Anxiety, it has teeth
Many of us have had that heart-in-a-vice, cold sweat that appears from nowhere, heart not even beating but head-butting your chest kind of feeling. A worry so great that it consumes the entire self with a cloud of dark, thick and unbreathable smoke. A nervousness or great unease that makes even the simplest of tasks seem mammoth in size. It’s paralising. It’s horrid. It’s the most difficult feeling to describe to anyone who hasn’t felt it before. It’s all-consuming despite your best efforts and simply snapping out of it, is as foreign a concept as a farmer speaking Mandarin.
Some of us, as many as one in six South Africans suffer from anxiety, depression or substance-use problems (and this does not include more serious conditions such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia), according to statistics released by the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG). Try to take that in for moment … In a country of 52.98 million people, this number equates to 8.83 million people battling with anxiety and related conditions. And let’s be honest, that number reflects only the brave few who are willing to admit it. Many suffer in silence.
What exactly is an anxiety disorder?
It’s important to realise that everyone feels anxious at some point in time, you might have a big thing at work, or upcoming exams or an unexpected financial strain. Feeling anxious about these things are normal, almost healthy,it motivates us to take action and try and rectify whatever the situation is. Anxiety disorders, according to www.webmd.com, however, are different. They can cause such distress that it interferes with a person's ability to lead a normal life.Often this distress is longer-lasting and therefor more exhaustive and debilitating. An anxiety disorder also creeps up on you, bites you in the heel and that terrible feeling takes over, even when there is NOTHING to be anxious about. Suddenly, everything becomes a trigger for anxiety – talking on the phone, driving to work, having a conversation, waking up (!), being on time for a social gathering and andand. It may seem that there is no rhyme or reason to the destructive nature of this disorder.
The question you’ve been asking since you turned 4-years old (but learnt to let go…) – WHY!?
Why do I have an anxiety disorder, why me? I know you’re going to hate this answer but let me say it anyway – there is no specific answer or cause that we know of. No specific villain that can at least carry a little bit of the blame. I can however tell you, it’s not your fault. It’s not a weakness or a character flaw. It can happen to anyone. This however on www.webmd.com, offers some explanation, “As scientists continue their research on mental illness, it is becoming clear that many of these disorders (anxiety included) are caused by a combination of factors, including changes in the brain and environmental stress.” The brain is a beautiful thing but when circuits get cross-wired, it can become our toughest enemy.
How to fight the teethy monster
I can give you “The 9 ways to defeat anxiety” or “The five simple ways to find happiness” or comfort you with a multitude of quotes such as, “Don’t stress, do your best, forget the rest” and so many more that slap us in the face via social media on a daily basis. (Like sure, that’s going to stop the hysterical crying, the heart palpitations, cold sweats, unexpected diarrhoea, the iron vice that’s gripping the heart and constant nausea.) I am not going to do this. I know, just as many of you do, when this monster sinks its teeth into the softness of your flesh and scrape at the brittle bone, these so-called pearls of wisdom will do you no good. In fact, it only reminds you of the life that you are not living.
Instead I will share my journey with you in the hope that somewhere something offers a little bit of hope. The fight is different for everyone and so very individualised. What works for me, won’t necessarily work for my neighbour.
After many mornings, waking up from my heart beating out of my chest and my eyes unable to wait any longer to shed their tears, I finally realised I need help. Let me say it again, I NEED HELP. I needed something or someone who could help me get back on that elusive path of carving out my own happiness. I knew right away that it wouldn’t be an easy journey but definitely a compulsory journey. And let’s face it, anything would be easier than staying stuck right here. I’ve been standing at the crossroads for long enough, darkness has been my friend for too long and it’s time to move, even if it is just one step.
Here’s what I did:
I visited a friend and confided in her that I simply couldn’t take it any more aka I reached out. This part is of vital importance, you MUST reach out and get help, leaving anxiety untreated will open the door to much greater monsters. I am not saying you have to go around telling everyone, seek out a trusted person or medical professional. You cannot simply leave this beast to roam free. This wonderful woman immediately made an appointment for me at a psychiatrist and dragged me there herself. So, I asked for help from a friend, and lucky for me, I received the right kind of help. The psychiatrist probed and listened and comforted and also (this is the important part) explained to me what was going in my body and my mind. I realised that I was vulnerable. Yes, it was a horrible realisation for my type A personality but with time I became used to the idea that every now and again, even strong people need a hand. My psychiatrist asked for my trust and I began with medication. Ok, I know a lot of you are saying, “hold up, I’m just a little anxious, I don’t need to be drugged” and I hear you. Medication is a very personal decision and only you together with the help of you specific professional can hash out what is the best way forward for you. I, on the other hand, I need a little help to get the wires uncrossed in my brain, and medication has gone a long way in doing that. Medication gave me a good night’s rest and I woke up not crying, two essential steps in the road to my recovery. But that’s just me.
Whether you decide to visit a psychiatrist, a psychologist, join a support group or get in contact with your local emotional wellbeing organisation (such as LifeLine), it is important that you open yourself up for new possibilities. When you go somewhere you’ve never been, your frame of reference will be challenged with new ideas and opinions – just as I was challenged by my psychiatrist’s diagnosis and recovery plan.
Other things I did:
I realised that recovering from any trauma in life, is the most badass thing a person can do. And yes, dealing with anxiety is a traumatic experience. I decided to do even little things with a huge amount of attitude. No, it wasn’t easy. When I woke in the morning, I took a shower with attitude, I gently forced (!) myself to get dressed and show up for whatever I had committed to. I didn’t feel like eating, but I ate that apple like a gangsta. I didn’t feel like socialising but accepted at least one invitation per week to have coffee with a friend or dinner with the family. I made sure that I didn’t lose touch with the world out there and yet, also made sure that I had enough time to just be vulnerable in my own safe space, my home. I listened to my body and heart when needed and tied my best to ignore the unreasonable anxiety travelling my brain pathways. What I’m saying, I guess, is that managing anxiety is a battle that calls for all your troops, rally them in any way you can.
Specifically:
Make sure you sleep enough, you can’t run a marathon if you haven’t had a good night’s sleep, neither can you overcome anxiety if you are not rested. 8 hours. No argument!
Eat something, I now you don’t feel like it but do it anyway. You need nutrients and fuel to stay on this journey. And no, junk won’t do.
Seek professional help and build a relationship with this person, you need someone who has your emotional back while travelling.
Let those close to you know how you’re feeling. This is not just important in order for them to support you, but also because they need to know that you will have bad days and it’s not their fault, it’s not your fault, it just is what it is.
Don’t give up. Don’t you dare give up! Try everything you possibly can to overcome this monster. Phone LifeLine or book an appointment. See a medical professional or counsellor/psychologist. Talk to someone, ask for help (and if you don’t get it from the first person you ask, ask the next person). We are all in this together and we have a responsibility towards each other. People are often a lot more willing to help that we think.
Do your utmost to create an environment that is not going to fuel your anxiety, try to figure out what makes things worse, and take those bad boys out of your immediate surroundings. If this happens to be a person, you have permission to distance yourself from them until you feel like you can “deal” again. If it is work, it is a little more difficult, but try to identify what it is at work that triggers and distance yourself from situations like that. If it is family (this one is hard) do your best to let them know what you are going through and how they can assist, go for family counselling (again you can contact LifeLine to help) and if all else fails, remember that you are the most important person in your life – act accordingly.
Now that you kind of know what triggers your anxiety… you also need to figure out what makes it better, what gives it a slap in the face and keeps it off your back. I get creative, I throw myself into complex creative graphic designs, it brings me joy! I also watch the comedy channel, my guilty little pleasure! I swim lengths at my local pool as often as I can, it does me wonders. I also take time out to have a chat with the beggar on my corner – I ask him about his day and what he did that day, I know him by name and I actually look forward to seeing him. I also pack an extra sandwich for him. This has helped me a tremendous amount. Different people do different things, some of us journal, some scrapbook and others take engines apart. You do what works for you!
These “pointers” can grow and evolve and even become very different for different and unique people, try to add to this list, identify what you need and don’t be afraid to go after what you need. If you need to move (emotionally) do so, you are not a planted tree.
In battling this sharp-toothed monster, you will need all your resources and at the very least an attitude of “willing to try”. Work hard at accomplishing that, you need to know that no matter who you are, you are born loved and born with purpose (Viktor Frankl said so). Even if it doesn’t feel like it, believe me and take my word for it, you are more than your disorder.
LifeLine Pretoria offers confidential and free counselling services. You can call our crisis line to speak to a counsellor or book a face-to-face appointment. We’re here to listen, and we’re serious about you.
Crisis-line: 012 804 3619
Appointments: 012 804 1853